Self Care Changed How I Parent
As printed in My Village News September 2020.
Around six months after I gave birth to my daughter I was at my lightest weight and for a long time stayed that way. It was a strange feeling because though I had finally lost “that last five kilos” I was also the unhealthiest I’ve ever been in body and mind.
Another thing that frustrated me was often when I would run into a friend, acquaintance or colleague, they would tell me how great I looked, almost confirming for me neglect is the best form of self-care. They were wrong.
I was forgetting to feed myself at lunch because of the all-consuming and probably unhealthy focus I poured into my baby. To sustain myself I’d pause at the pantry while my daughter was finally playing on her own and sneak four Tim Tams, some cardboard carbs and chase it all with a premade green smoothie believing this undid the damage. I was so exhausted. When I looked in the mirror my cheekbones were sharper and I wasn’t getting any exercise outside of the personal trainer regimen a baby can provide (quite extensive, might I add).
It took me a recent miscarriage to finally snap out of this. During the Easter Covid-19 lockdown, otherwise known as the wilderness of no childcare for 10 weeks, my sugar and caffeine intake got worse. By the end of May when we’d surprisingly fallen pregnant at the first try I was excited but knew I hadn’t been giving the best care to my body so I abruptly turned course, lowered my caffeine intake and started eating proper meals.
It showed me I could only be motivated to look after myself if it meant looking after someone else. Eight weeks into the pregnancy at the obstetrician’s office I received what was probably the worst news of my life. While I know now from the medical tests the miscarriage wasn’t my fault and how common they are (one in four) I also felt what happened was a message from someone above.
It was the gift of time, of a second chance. To pause, reset and care for myself before I spend another 24 months pouring everything I have into growing and caring for a new human.
Image via Lisa Congdon / A Cup of Jo
