How to Parent Without an Ego?

As printed in My Village News August 2020.

At just two and a half years of age my daughter is already my greatest teacher. She’s constantly holding up a mirror and a lot of times I don’t like my reflection.

 As she grows into herself, making choices and voicing opinions I realise I have been parenting from my ego in small ways and big. If she won’t let me tame her hair I notice anxiety creep in, “Will other parents think our family doesn’t prioritise grooming, cleanliness and order?” If she pushes a kid at the top of the slide I feel shame, “What have I done to make her think that behaviour is okay? Will she remember to apologise?” I usually step in.

I recognise my toddler needs guidance, she needs me to help build her skills, learn time management and organisation but I’ve reconciled a lot of her behaviour is also just a state of childhood, a kid being a kid.

If I complain about something my daughter does to another parent they seem to think it’s not a big deal, and vice versa. Which shows as mums and dads we are triggered by unique issues when raising our kids, anxieties or long held beliefs we need to try to mend internally so our little ones don’t absorb them.

Author of The Conscious Parent Dr Shafali Tsabary, who has dedicated her life to awakening caregivers to these principles, says, “When you parent, it’s crucial you realise you aren’t raising a “mini me,” but a spirit throbbing with its own signature. For this reason, it’s important to separate who you are from who each of your children is.” 

Or as my parenting mentor says, “Your children are only lent to you.” Good advice mum.