Motherhood: How to Carve Out 'Me Time'

As printed in My Village News October 2019

I’m embarrassed to write this but here goes. For most of 2018, the first year of my daughter’s life, I didn’t brush my teeth in the mornings. Meaning I went a full 24 hours each day for about 365 of the damn things only cleaning my teeth once. It was the first small and continued way I unconsciously neglected myself as I let her life seep into mine.

For a first world problem oral hygiene is significant and for me it was the canary in the coal mine. I had come to believe all my needs were secondary to hers, and this unbalanced mindset snowballed into a lot of accidentally self-destructive ways. Parenting is sacrifice, it is selfless but I now know it should not be self-neglecting.

Seeing this damage doesn’t undo it though, and when toddler days become a busy flurry I find it difficult not to sweat the small stuff and get caught up in the minutiae, especially as a control freak. And that’s where I’ve been going wrong. Vulnerability researcher Brené Brown says parents should embrace making mistakes,

“Imperfect parenting moments turn into gifts as our children watch us try to figure out what went wrong and how we can do better next time. The mandate is not to be perfect and raise happy children… I've found what makes children happy doesn't always prepare them to be courageous, engaged adults.”

So then, where do our wedges of “me time” sit amongst our childrens’ growing lists of commitments, valued time with a partner and the factoring in of family, friends and work?

Over the last few weeks I’ve been forcing myself to loosen the reins and steal myself back in pieces. It’s a bit two-steps forward, one step back but I’m making progress in rediscovering myself and listening to the quiet voice of my own needs. Like finally reading those long neglected bedside table books but in audio-form, wedging a foot rub between work meetings on my daughter’s daycare days, making smoothies in batches so at least I can get some green veggies into my diet and brushing my teeth with her in the morning as part game, part life lesson.